Atlanta City Limits

This weekend I moved to Atlanta. Texas to Georgia, it was quite a move. I left my family and a pretty decent job. I left my comfort and security. I left my friends. My fiance is still long distance [although, significantly closer than before]. I left home.

Over the last few days I’m gathering together the idea that home is a state of being rather than a home state. Texas is my home state and my roots and country music tell me that I should feel home in cowboy boots, a lifted truck, and open fields. And I do, to an extent. But I feel more at home and centered in a dimly lit coffee shop with my headphones filled with raw, indy-sounding worship and spoken word artists of a hip-hop derivative. Clothed in a flannel, leggings, Toms, messy bun, and RayBans. I repeat that I dressed this way before the “hipster movement” began, but the statement alone is ironic and paradoxical. Yes, these glasses are prescription; yes, I do wear leggings as pants; yes, this is a men’s flannel; and yes, I have spent this entire day in a coffee shop.

But the move– I moved to help with a church plant. I moved because I’m 100% behind this vision [for more information you can check out thesummit.cc]. I moved because God gave me the green light to come here. When I said yes to a position with the church, I was confident. Assured, I declare that I would have no fear in moving. God will provide the needs, He’ll make a way. That was almost a year ago. This weekend, things looked a little different.

I moved without a job secured. Money and provision has always been one of the things I struggle with most in my faith. I’m self-sufficient, and have no chill if I don’t have a reliable income flowing into my bank account. The last month was filled with multiple anxiety attacks, and my fiance putting his foot down and telling me I need to go into the secret place and not leave until I hear God speak and peace flows. I did that. Later he asked me what God said. I told him, “All He said was, ‘have I not been faithful? Am I not faithful? Will I not continue to be faithful?'”. In the name of honesty and transparency, that’s not what I wanted. I wanted to hear, “I have a well-paying job for you in Atlanta that’ll be perfect for your schedule,” and that’s not what I got.

On the trip here, I got little glimpses of what my time here would look like. It looks like stepping back into ministry. It looks like me learning what it’s like to walk in humility. It looks like me spending more time in the secret place with Him. It looks like stepping into the fullness of a missional lifestyle. It looks like me learning from others, in the context of community. It looks like me writing [a lot]. It looks like me learning how to trust His faithfulness, trust that He is faithful in all things.

On the trip here, I told Jordan [my fiance], “I really feel like I’m going to have a job there that is completely unexpected. Like something that I never even thought to look into. Something where I’m going to have a lot of free time. I’m going to write a lot in my free time. God has been pulling me to write for quite awhile, and I feel like it’s really happening now.

On the trip here, I thought that I’d fully dive into finding a job, making it a top priority. But I keep feeling a pull to take a step back for a little while. And there’s peace. Not in laziness, anyone who knows me, knows that when it comes to working, I’m anything but lazy. There’s peace in stepping back. I hear Him saying, “hold on, not yet”. There’s peace in the obedience to our Father. There’s peace in knowing that He is good. There’s peace in knowing that He doesn’t lead me anywhere that He’s not going. Maybe it’s halfway about obedience, and the other half is just because He is worthy.

In the meantime, I feel like I’m in a limbo state. Life feels fuzzy. I’m somewhere between Texas and Georgia, somewhere between familiar and new, somewhere between there and here, somewhere between comfortable and uncomfortable. I took the step away from comfortable, but haven’t planted my foot in uncomfortable. I haven’t unpacked yet, because unpacking means it’s real. But I have to learn how to be here. ‘Here’ is anywhere really. I have a bad habit of my life being in one place and my head being somewhere else. I want to be here.

Today I took a drive. I drove around the Atlanta suburbs, exploring my new city. There’s a lot of hills. I ended up in a bad part of town when I decided to turn around. I decided to head home when it hit me that I should find a coffee shop. I wanted to write. I like writing. Writing keeps me centered. I have this complex where I don’t drink coffee in any capacity, but it’s necessary for me to know where all the good coffee shops are. I found a coffee shop. The tea was good. It’s dimly lit, cute, spacious, the barista is peppy, the atmosphere is calm. I like it. I feel at home in coffee shops. I found a coffee shop. And I’m ready to be here. I’m ready to make this home.

Reflections and Resolutions

The last week of December and the first week of January are a couple of my favorite times of the year. The last week of December is filled with reflection, recollection, and recalling the year as we wrap it all up. We remember the good times, bad times, the hard times, and even the times when we thought life was kinda boring, but later realized that we were in a resting season. Many of us humorously reflect on the New Years resolutions we made that lasted until about January 7th. The goal of losing twenty pounds that eventually turned into “for the love of God, I just want to maintain the weight I’m at, instead of gaining any more”. The decision to do the Bible in One Year plan, but made it to Genesis 14 and started skipping around again.

The year is usually filled with a lot of failed goals; but as we reflect on the year, we find that it’s so, so rich in God’s faithfulness. We look back and see the situations where God was working in the intricate details of our circumstances. We reflect of the power of the Holy Spirit when we laid hands on people and they were instantly healed. The confirmations He brought through other people when we were unsure if what we heard in the secret place was really His voice, to remind us that He speaks in so many ways. The vision that He just now gave to the promises He spoke to us years ago, when He says, “Have I not been faithful time and time again?”

The act of remembering is a vital spiritual activity.

-Jim Hennesy

The first week of the year is rather lovely. I find so much delight in the simplicity of others making their goals for the new year. There’s encouragement and determination in the air, as well as way too many hashtags on social media of #newyearnewme. Excitement and nervousness has filled my life in the last month with anticipation of all that’s happening in 2016. I’m moving in three weeks, getting married in October, helping plant a church in a city that I’ve been to once, finally going back to college to finish my degree, and learning how to tackle all the new roles in my life. There’s peace in my spirit towards all of the vision that God has been downloading into Jordan [my fiance] and I– behind the scenes projects and dreams that haven’t yet been revealed to the general public. Promises that we knew that God would fulfill, and particularly believed it would be much later in our lives, lining up to happen a lot sooner than we thought.

As for my goals and resolutions this year, they are concrete in their being, but remain flexible in the manner of how they are to be brought about.

1. To be more disciplined and intentional. In everything really. From sleep schedules to my walk with God; from consistently writing to not fueling my body with junk food.
2. Me time. Voluntarily spend more time alone, less time being in the presence of everyone.
3. Read one book per week, write reviews and post them. I was originally doing this last year, and it was going really well until I met Jordan. Our communication [we’re currently in a long distance relationship] through off a lot of my free time. Worth it.
4. Spend more time doing and learning what I’m passionate about. Writing more, learning more about missions and youth ministry, spend more time with teenagers, regularly practice my Spanish.
5. Relearn Guitar. I played a lot when I was younger, then I stopped for about 8 years and forgot all but about four chords.

I’ve put together my small list and wanted to be pretty broad about the spectrum that it covered. My list for 2016 is additional for my everyday list. My everyday list looks a little more like figuring out how people feel loved and doing that, moving closer to God and being synchronized with the Holy Spirit, purging material things I don’t need in my life, finding new ways to save and make money, and learning art and science of adulting.

Today I’m hitting publish with hope and anticipation of a new year, a new journey, and a step into a new season of life.